Fish Or Man

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Clean Up On Aisle 5 And 6

Sadly, that wasn't what employees said when they called 911. From Okanogan, WA; Caso’s Country Foods Robbed Over Weekend
"...as they entered the store one of the suspects took the five employees down one of the aisles and bound them with duct tape. The second suspect then took the money out of the cash register tills and the money from the safe. The suspects then left the store. Rogers said, “the entire robbery only took 10 to 15 minutes.”
Yes, the vegetable aisle really is that dangerous.

So the suspects were wearing masks? Who have they been taking lessons from? Or maybe those robbers have been watching too much CSI?

What a textbook robbery! The victims all act like good little sheep waiting for the slaughter. The robbers paid attention during class and were smart enough NOT to attack while customers were present, (likely armed ones that wouldn't have put up with such a horrible use for duct tape).

Anyway, the police are looking for the suspects. An awards ceremony has been scheduled for everyone involved. It's true criminals! They wish you no harm. Quote from Sheriff Rogers:
"Were just glad that no one was hurt in the robbery."
That includes you criminals. So why don't you come back to town and join us for a nice outdoor BBQ? The Sheriff may not be willing to provide the meat, but after you get here, we will round something up.

Now, if only all criminals played the game so politely! In fact after such a great robbery, I'm guessing some other goblins will attempt another one soon. Hopefully they have paid attention to the important parts of this little example and not just focused on all that free money!!!

Thanks Caso! You defenseless prick. Way to inspire a whole generation of worthless scumbags. I hope they hit you again, and again, and again, and again. You and your employees deserve to know that you played a large part in not only the future criminal career of these two goblins, (and the future destruction they will cause), but on inspiring still more worthless criminals to follow such a beautiful example. Thanks again.

Maybe insurance companies will start canceling coverage for robbery if the business won't do a damn thing to protect their investments. Or maybe just higher rates for any business that openly subject themselves to the free money game with goblins.

Finally, I need to call my good friends at the Brady Campaign. They really need to get their act together and BAN DUCT TAPE NOW! I see a march on Washington coming, yes, I do.

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UPDATE: Well, well, well. They have actually been caught. Here begins the length career of three stupid criminals. Good move slicks.